The following short story is a companion piece to my short film DATUM. The film examines salt, the mineral on which the human body runs and upon which human trade and civilization is built. Interestingly, the main export of salt mines is road de-icing salt, which would render the mine obsolete if climate warms to the point that we no longer need road salt. The salt mine is an underground space of extraction entangled with predicting the conditions of the above ground. Set in an ambiguous future past, I imagine the retired salt mine overtaken by servers of a climate archive operation—DATUM (Decryption of Atmo-Temporal Umbra Megafacility). Originally, the facility’s aim was to turn databases of climatological data into accurate weather predictions, but once weather became fundamentally unpredictable, the facility began to use its 4D climatological simulation theatres to reenact vignettes of past climates. Secular pilgrims looking to connect with the irretrievably lost could retrieve their retroscopes here.